Well, well, look what our Scarlet came downstairs with this morning! First Id thought she'd pinched it from outside a shop, but sense took over, why would anyone pinch such an ugly little bugger??? And besides she wouldnt want to break a nail changing nappies n stuff.

She insists she didnt know she was pregnant, Id noticed she'd put on a bit weight lately, but just put it down the tins of Pedigree Chum she'd been snacking on over the past few months.

Its odd, it all makes sense now... Id heard screaming from the bathroom this morning, I just thought it was Bo, (he has stubborn bowels and struggles a bit) I dread to think what state the bathroom is in, Ill nip out to Spar and get some more Zoflora.

Scarlet insists shes a virgin, she want to call her son Jesus, she has big aspirations about him. I hope shes right, he could be my saviour, it'd be very handy having a carpenter in the family, my kitchen cupboard doors ahve been hanging off for years!

I know hes not as good looking at the rest of my family, but I suppose we might grow to love him someday. I think we'd best keep him, (maybe we can make some financial claims for him) the moneys always useful.