They called her "The eastern Songbird" on the blackboard outside the clubhouse, well she certainly can warble! She didnt need a microphone, and its a good job we had plastic glasses for our sherry or there may have been a bloodbath!

Mr Dorey and Mr Newt seemed to find something amusing, their faces went a funny colour and they had to stuff their shellsuit tops in their mouths to stem the laughter. Dan had left the room as soon as she started to sing, I just turned my hearing aid off and dreamt of my man.

We were all quite concerned about Mr Turkey though, he was on his knees in front of the stage cross-eyed and dribbling. I suppose she is a pretty girl(especially when gagged) but Ive never seen any man react quite like this before though, very bizarre. We first thought the songstress had caused his ears to bleed, and he was in great pain, but the paramedics couldnt find anything wrong, but they did notice his Y-fronts were a tad tighter than they were, we must presume he likes this girl! Oh dear, I do hope he doesnt take her home with him, Ive just had my new windows put in.