Weve got yet another edition to our family, a little canine called Willie. Hes a handsome little devil, fits in with my family perfectly. William took this picture of him in his favourite spot, under the table waiting for tasty morsels, hes assured me that no-one will notice my bloomers, but I dont like the way he was sniggering. Well at least they are clean.

William stole him from the local dogs home, hes got a few behavioural problems... (the dog not our William) and he can clear in seconds with one puff from his arse. I think theyve been feeding him crap in that home, hell be a goodun when hes been on Spars best meaty chunks in jelly for a few days.

Hes a great little guard dog, he went straight for the policemans ankle when he tried to fine me for the pile of shite he dropped in the chippy. Its not my fault the silly man slipped and caused damage to himself with his truncheon, but it caused a great distraction for me to make my getaway with a large jar of pickled eggs, and a free bag of chips, theyll go down lovely for tea, might just give Willie a little treat too.